To Become an Earl
by everyhazyday
Summary: The morning after Lavina dies, Matthew is awakened with the news that Robert has also died of Spanish Flu- leaving him the Earl of Grantham.
1. Chapter 1

_I started this after reading a prompt from live journal's mmmondaymadness page. I am pretty sure there is more to come. _

* * *

Matthew was haunted. His slow and careful gait was even more measured than usual as he made his way up to the great house. The sun penetrated his black suit but he took no mind of the heat. The lawn, although as neatly trimmed as usual, seemed different- it all seemed different. It was his responsibility now; the gardens, the house, all of it.

As he entered the quiet house he hoped the grim details had all been settled. He had been plagued all night with the idea that Lavina's death was somehow his fault and to wake today with the Earldom on his shoulders, he wished she was there to stand beside him.

Matthew leaned heavily on his stick as he watched the servants take some decorations down from the staircase.

"They were for the wedding, Lord Grantham."

At first Matthew didn't realize that Thomas was speaking to him, 'Lord Grantham' had always been Robert, never him. He nodded vaguely as Thomas mentioned the graspers and quietly gave agreement on the arrangements of their funerals, Lavina's to be on Monday and Robert's to be the following day.

Monday, he thought bitterly, he was supposed to be on his honeymoon on Monday, not attending the funerals of both his fiancée and preparing for his cousin's.

The bustle of a ladies dress was heard behind and Matthew was surprised to see Violet making her way up the hall towards him.

"I am so sorry dear, about Lavinia, she was a sweet girl."

"Thank you, Cousin Violet, but how are you doing? I am surprised to see you here this morning."

"Don't worry about me, I'm a tough one. Of course one never expects to outlive their children but at this rate I may outlive all my family. No, it's Cora I am here to see. With her romantic, American nature there's no telling how she'll take this." She looked ready to head up the stairs before saying "I do think Mary was looking for you."

"No," Matthew didn't want to face her. Together they had broken Lavinia's heart and forced her to give up. They had killed her and no matter how broken up she was about her father's passing, or how hurt he was, he just couldn't turn to her for comfort. "I mean I don't really want to see anyone, not just yet. Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."

"Well, it seems things are settled enough here, you can go." Violet dismissed him as she turned to make her way up the stairs.

Matthew walked slowly back to Crawley house. If it weren't for his aching legs, still weak from months of unuse, he would have kept walking. He longed for a quiet moment to think. As he entered his home the presence of his mother told him that wasn't going to be given him. She caught him as he walked in.

"You're back sooner than I expected. Did you see anyone? How are they are all getting on?"

"I only saw cousin Violet, but it seems they are doing fine there. Thomas seems to have everything under control, for the funerals and everything."

"That's nice of him to help, but it isn't really his job is it?"

"I suppose not, but really mother, I must sit down." As he walked away he hoped this would give reason for his mother to leave him alone, but he should have known otherwise.

"Yes, of course," Isobel followed him into the sitting room, "but isn't it your job to sort those things out now?"

Matthew didn't respond, except for a quiet curse under his breath, but undaunted Isobel continued, "I know you are hurting, maybe more than the rest of us understand because you lost not only Robert but Lavinia as well, but whether you like it or not you are now the Earl and you have a responsibility to that family."

Matthew didn't respond but his mothers words rang in his ears. He wasn't trying to shirk his responsibilities, but he honestly had no idea what he was supposed to do. He was not prepared to be the Earl; he had always assumed Robert would run Downton for years to come. It felt like losing his father all over again; it was unexpected and he was unprepared. It felt like the loss of his father in other ways too; his confidant, his guide, was gone. Even with his mother across the room Matthew suddenly felt very alone and despite her presence he began to cry.

* * *

_Also, just found out that they wouldn't address him as Lord Grantham until after Robert's funeral, so I'm sorry I have that wrong. _


	2. Chapter 2

The Crawley house was quiet that morning; Matthew dressed in silence and had breakfast without a word. He and his mother walked quietly to the chapel. He nodded vaguely at the few who offered condolences to him. After the service he stood soundlessly beside the grave as the crowd dispersed.

Mary walked slowly across the emptying cemetery, coming to stand beside Matthew. "You must tell me if there is anything I can do, anything at all."

"Thank you, but I don't think so." He paused, swallowing the emotion that was threatening to erupt. As she turned to go, he continued, "that night when we were dancing, Lavinia came downstairs… she heard, she saw everything."

"How terrible for her, I'm so sorry." Mary wasn't sorry for letting him kiss her, she couldn't be sorry for that, but she was sorry Lavinia had seen. She was sorry that she had hurt Lavinia's happiness, she had deserved better.

"Because of what she saw, she thought we should cancel the wedding, that I belonged with you, not with her. She gave up because of us. She said to me as she was dying, 'isn't this better?' I know it's a cliché, but I believe she died of a broken heart because of that kiss and we were the ones who killed her."

She understood, she understood why he was so tormented, "oh Matthew," she breathed.

"We could never be happy now, don't you see. We are cursed you and I, nothing can be done about it. Let's be strong Mary and let's accept that this is the end."

He was rejecting her. Their kiss had given her a slight hope, a hope that they could go back, but he didn't want her.

She nodded, "of course it's the end, how could it not be?"

Mary became aware of Sir Richard coming to stand behind her, asking to walk her home. She looked up at him, he was her future. He could be a comfort, if she let him be. At that moment she was glad to have him to lean on.

* * *

Tuesday was to be much the same. Dress in the same dark suit, walk to the same local church, see many of the same people. It felt different to Matthew. He couldn't feel guilty about Robert's death. He felt angry, of course, it had come too soon, but at least he and Robert had parted on good terms.

He glanced around the church, trying to ignore his cousins along the bench beside him- quiet tears ran down Sybil's cheeks, Edith was all but lost in her weeping, Mary though, Mary just stared blankly. It wasn't fair to them, it wasn't fair to anyone. Robert had been always been fair, had always been looked up to. Matthew wasn't sure he would be able to live up to that as the Earl.

Today he shook hands with the minister and spoke to townspeople as they left the cemetery. He may have felt broken inside, but he did his duty. Soon it was only family left; Branson was standing by Sybil, talking quietly.

Nobody had seen much of Branson since he and Sybil announced their engagement, but nobody seemed ready to approach him today either. Matthew approached them, a conversation he had with Robert on his mind.

"So will you go to Dublin now? Wasn't that your plan?" Matthew asked Sybil.

"In a week or two, Mama has Edith and Mary so I see no reason to delay. Although I do wish father and I could have parted friends."

"Sybil, I don't think your father would have wanted to leave in a quarrel, he only wanted to know you were sure of what you wanted."

Sybil, looked at Tom and then back at Matthew with shinning eyes, "I am sure."

"Then he would have given you his blessing, that I am sure. I wish you both luck."

Matthew may have doubted his fitness to be the earl, but as he shook Tom's hand firmly, Tom knew that Matthew would be able to live up to the position.

* * *

_Things will get more AU in the next chapter, I just wanted to get through the funerals before going too far. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry about the long time between updates, I really am a slow updater. It took me a while to get my thoughts sorted for this chapter, I hope that some readers have hung in there with me. _

* * *

He didn't want to think or speak. He didn't see his cousins, he barely saw his mother. He kept himself busy at work, staying late and bringing things home to look over, and often reading late into the night in hopes of pushing himself into a dreamless sleep.

By early May this pattern was so ingrained that when he entered his home, late as usual, Matthew was surprised to find his mother waiting up for him. "We have been asked up to the Abbey for dinner tomorrow, I have told them that we would come."

Matthew sighed, he didn't want to go back to the place she died, he didn't want to pretend to be happy and pleasant with his family, and he really didn't want to watch Mary and her fiancé across the room from him. "I have a lot to get done; I may have to work late."

"Sybil is leaving next week, I expect you to go with me to wish her well."

Isobel had known what to say, if nothing else Matthew had always gotten along with Sybil and he did wish her well. He couldn't say no to that, "all right Mother, I will be home in time to go with you."

The next day Matthew left the office close to on time, delaying just enough to give them no opportunity to be early. He had just enough to time to take in the presence of Violet and the absence of Carlisle before Carson announced dinner to be ready. Following the women into the dinning room Matthew was caught off guard to see the seat at the head of the table had been left for him. He should have expected it but he honestly hadn't given it a thought. His mind went to Robert and the hospitality he had shown Matthew from the beginning. Then looking around at his family Matthew swallowed his emotion and took his seat.

It didn't take long for fearless Violet to address the elephant in the room. "So Matthew what are your plans now?"

The shock was evident on everybody's face, even Isobel's, when he said he was going to America. He wasn't sure what they thought so he hastily explained. "Not forever, they needed someone from work to go for a project and it was decided it should be me."

Sybil recovered from the surprise first, "So how long will you be gone?"

"A few months at least, but I am not sure how long everything will take."

Since Matthew had said nothing about the his plans with the estate or the house, Cora was forced to ask, "Shall I have Edith, Mary, and I move up to London while you are gone, so when you come back we won't be in your way?"

"No!" he said too forcibly, part of his reason for leaving was so they could stay. He continued softer than before, "no, pleases don't- you know far more about running the house than I do. Besides, I don't even know how long I will be gone, so please stay." His eyes trained on Mary, trying to catch her reaction, he caught a quick smile of gratitude before her face became expressionless again.

The conversation floated along easier then, mostly revolving around Matthew and Sybil's new plans, Isobel remaining uncharacteristically quiet until she and Matthew sat in the car on the way home. "You volunteered, didn't you?"

There was no pretending that Matthew didn't know what she was talking about or why it mattered. "Yes I did, I want to go."

"Oh Matthew, why? Surely things here are not that bad, that leaving the country is the best option."

Matthew couldn't tell her everything. He couldn't explain how he wasn't over the deaths of Lavinia and Robert. How he wasn't sure he would ever be. He couldn't explain his hesitance at taking on the duties of Earl, how unfit he felt. He couldn't explain his relationship with Mary, and the pain he felt with every sight or thought of her. There were no words to explain his reasons, so he settled for, "it's just easier this way, now everyone will have some time."

His mother gave a disapproving look, but didn't say any more on the subject. He was going, she knew her son enough to know that nothing she said would change that.


End file.
